Happiness – Page 3

Thanksgiving Day – celebrate happiness with the two most important words

November 27, 2013 by David Leonhardt Leave a Comment

If appreciation is the most important ingredient for happiness, then Thanksgiving Day gives us a unique occasion to focus on what makes us happiest.

Thanksgiving is the most important holiday of the year.

Oh, sure, Christmas is grand, and I know it has many, many fans. I’m not knocking Christmas. But the Thanksgiving story is more important.

Easter has its fans, too. Rebirth is a wonderful thing, but I still say Thanksgiving is more important.

Yes, kids jump for joy at the thought of Halloween. I am sure they enjoy the costumes almost as much as the candy and chocolate, but the Thanksgiving story is even more important than overdosing on sugar.

Why?

Because the two most important words in the English language are “Thank You” – the ultimate in positive thinking. This is true for business success, for social pleasure, even for self-actualization.

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The two most important words in the English language are “Thank You” http://t.co/AS7f5aXslt

— David Leonhardt (@amabaie) November 27, 2013

For business success, a thank you tells a prospect or partner that you are appreciative of what she has just done and that you are happy with them. It shows you have a genuine interest in that person and the business relationship.

For social interaction, expressing gratitude is equally important to show how you value the other person and the social relationship you have with him. “Thank you” is a bonding phrase.

But giving thanks is most important on a personal level for our own pursuit of happiness. This is true for anybody who has ever lived, but it is even more true for us today.

A Happy Thanksgiving of gratitude

Consider how much we have today. More than any of our ancestors, we live in The Land of Plenty. We have more than anybody who has lived at any time before. And for those of us who live in the developed world, we have more than most people on our little planet have even today.

I’m not just talking about our abundance of “stuff”. Oh sure, we have ten-foot tall digital color televisions with 594,798,345,691 channels and the ability to program them several light years into the future, the past and the 13th dimension. And we have computers that send us around the world faster than the speed of a turbo-jet on growth hormones. And we have 31 flavors of ice cream waiting for us on every second street corner. And we throw out more “junk” than we ever could find a use for in the first place.

But we have so much more than just ‘stuff’. Consider the following:

FREEDOM AND CHOICE: More of the world lives in a democracy than ever before, and democracy is becoming more open or “democratic” with every year (perhaps in part due to the Internet?). For most of mankind’s existence, democracy was as common as scale models of tourist destinations and automated toothpaste squeezers.

For most of mankind’s existence,
#democracy was as common as scale models of tourist destinations.

OPPORTUNITIES: With freedom and affluence comes opportunity. We have more opportunity to make money, to earn it the way we wish, to choose our careers, our location, even our lifestyle. Women have just about reached equality with men in most of the developed world, and more people are able to flee oppressive regimes for the Land of Milk and Honey. Actually, does that not sound like a continuation of the original Thanksgiving story?

KNOWLEDGE AND EDUCATION: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? With freedom, comes the ability to satisfy our curiosity: knowledge. And with knowledge comes a thirst for freedom. Let’s face it, the idea of “the ignorant masses” has become an anachronism. Even the dumbest among us has more knowledge than most people who lived a couple centuries ago. (I said more “knowledge”, not more “wisdom”, but that’s another topic.)

HEALTH: Just surviving past childhood used to be a major success. Now we expect to live comfortably into our 80s or 90s. And we expect – no, we demand – to have exceptional health care all along the way (even for those who are afraid to go to the doctor!).

Make every day Thanksgiving Day

This list could keep growing, but these are the major benefits I am grateful for living in twenty-first century North America. What does that have to do with Thanksgiving Day and happiness?

Well, follow this train of thought. Whatever you have, you can either appreciate or not. If you appreciate it — I mean really notice that you have it, that it is good, that you feel good about having it — it will bring you happiness. However, if you get used to it, take it for granted, and focus on things you don’t have, then whatever you do have just won’t bring you happiness; it is just part of the scenery, background noise.

Appreciation is the key to happiness. And daily appreciation is the key to daily happiness. Whatever you truly and proactively appreciate, whether “stuff” or education or a vacation or a nap (as I write this, there is nothing I would appreciate more than a nap!), will bring you joy. But in this fast-paced, dog-eat-dog, over-stimulated society, how can we appreciate anything?

Sadly, many of us who have the most to be grateful for express gratitude the least, and feel the least appreciation. It seems the more we have, the more we want. The more we want, the less we appreciate what we have. The less we appreciate, the less value there is to having anything, which may explain why we keep wanting more.

We who are drowning in luxuries and hold the world in our hands can’t seem to find the time to appreciate what we have … but we still make time to whine and complain. We still find things, however petty, to feed our negative thinking. How can we learn to appreciate our abundance and live a happy life?

The secret to feeling the appreciation we often overlook is in expressing our gratitude vocally or in writing. How can we possibly fail to appreciate something when we say “Thank you” for it and focus our attention on the appreciation? As I said earlier, “Thank you” are the two most important words in our vocabulary.

I offer several ideas on how to express gratitude in the Get Happy Workbook and my self-help book Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness, including keeping a gratitude journal, saying grace, practicing “bolsterism”, or just sending flowers, cards, or a thankful e-mail message – to name just a few ideas. Perhaps the most useful of all ideas is to make Thanksgiving Day every day – and really feel the gratitude.

Christmas is important. Easter is important. Halloween is important for the kids. But for our own personal happiness, there is nothing like a truly heartfelt Thanksgiving.

So have a Happy Thanksgiving today, and every day. And I invite you to express what you are grateful for in the comments below.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: appreciation, gratitude, happiness, thank you, thanksgiving

Learning to forgive

November 20, 2013 by David Leonhardt 3 Comments

Forgiveness is not just something to ask for. It is also something to grant. With forgiveness comes great freedom, whether you are on the giving or the receiving end.

This is a guest post from Jason of “Learning To Forgive”.

I often encounter those holding onto resentments from the past in an attempt to avoid conflict or reduce the chance of having to be vulnerable. Forgiving others as well as asking for forgiveness takes a tremendous amount of courage.

To forgive, we must allow our ego’s to subside. We have to let go of the need or desire to be angry. We have to release the desire to exact revenge.

In asking for forgiveness, we must humble ourselves. We have to accept our faults as a human being and look into the mirror and realize that is who we are; imperfect, temperamental, emotional, vulnerable, yet beautiful and unique.

Nobody likes feeling vulnerable. Yet, beautiful moments and learning experiences happen we are most vulnerable, allowing ourselves to be emotionally open to receiving and giving forgiveness.

Finding the courage to forgive happens when we look at ourselves and realize how fragile we are. This realization can seem overwhelming, but once we accept our fragility, we can then begin to appreciate the gift of life on a deeper and more intimate level.

The gift of life happens now! Happiness happens now! To allow ourselves to hold onto resentment, anger, shame or guilt seems pointless when you look at it that way.

Living in the now is the key to happiness, and the key to living in the now comes from finding the courage to forgive.

Jason is a self proclaimed animal lover, and dedicated to helping others discover their truth.

Read also: The Secret to Happiness.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: forgiveness

Spare a smile?

November 6, 2013 by David Leonhardt 13 Comments

The wonderful thing about a smile is that you always have an extra to spare. Because as soon as you give it away…Presto! You have another one just waiting to be shared.

One of the four categories of this blog is frugal. That’s all about saving money, living simply without the need for very expensive tastes.

Being frugal with money is one thing. Being frugal with smiles is quite another. For most of us, money is a limited resource. Being frugal means allocating limited funds where they are most needed, rather than being frivolous with it.

Tweet this quote: “Smiles are the ultimate renewable resource. Don’t be stingy with them.“

But smiles are not limited. They are the ultimate renewable resource. No matter how many smiles you give away, you will always have as many as you started with. In fact, you’ll have more, because every smile you share will get you at least one smile shared back, if not dozens. Loaves and fishes are all very well I suppose, but a smile replenishes itself just as well and it won’t go stale by tomorrow.

The man in this photo, snapped on Queen Street in Toronto, asks us whether we are willing to spare a smile.

Children spare a smile. You can too!

Children smile a lot. They will smile for almost any reason, and for no reason at all. Adults don’t smile nearly as much. Why?

Smiles open doors. Do adults not need any doors opened for them?

Smiles make friends. Do adults not want friends?

Smiles reduce stress. Do adults like stress?

In fact, the only stress reliever in shorter supply among adults than smiling is laughter. Yes, that most amazing, all-natural stress reliever that adults seem to find so hard to embrace.

Read also: The Happiness Poem

But laughter is smiling. It’s smiling big and wide. Did you know that in Spanish the word for smile is “sonreír” and the word for laughter is “reír”? In French, the word for smile is “sourire” and the word for laughter is “rire”. Coincidence? I think not.

We have both laughter and smiles in endless abundance. There is no reason to be stingy with them. Share as many smiles as you can. Laugh as often as possible. Watch how your life improves the more often you spare a smile.

* Photo credit, with permission: Sam Javanrouh

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: generosity, happiness, laughter, smile

The secret of (synthetic) happiness according to science

November 1, 2013 by David Leonhardt Leave a Comment

Research shows that we have the capacity to synthesize happiness when we don’t get what we want. But is synthetic happiness as good as “real” happiness? Or is all happiness just a concoction? Let’s look at the science behind happiness and synthetic happiness.

This is a very instructive TED talk by Harvard University psychologist Dan Gilbert. He explains all about the secret to happiness – synthetics. Yes, we all synthesize happiness. Is it fake? Yes…and no. When we fake happiness, it turns out that we make happiness. And that makes it real. But I should let him explain it, as he does it so much better than I can.

He quotes the words of Thomas Browne:

“I am the happiest man alive. I have that in me that can convert poverty to riches, adversity to prosperity, and I am more invulnerable than Archilles; Fortune hath not one place to hit me.”

This is a quote that I very much like. It is empowering. It is very positive. Repeat it over and over and you might even become invulnerable to emotional distress.

Tweet this quote: “When we fake happiness, we make happiness.”

But the best part of this video is when Dan Gilbert lays down the four secrets to happiness, as gleaned from scientific research. And here is the screenshot from the video:

OK, those are not really the conclusions he draws. But he does call on the same type of research that I address in my own book, Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: The 9 habits of maximum happiness, namely that three to six months after a major life event, people return to their pre-event level of happiness. Consider these events:

You win the lottery.
You become paraplegic.
You get divorced.
You have a miscarriage.
You win the marathon.
You win an election.
Your home is destroyed in a tornado.
You are presented with an award.

And a few months later…nothing. The event was traumatic or exhilarating, but it has no long-term effect on your happiness. How can a paraplegic be just as happy as he was before the accident? How can a lottery winner be no more happy than before the windfall?

Happiness is not something tangible. It is how we feel, and that is something we synthesize. Is it real? Yes. Is it genuine? Yes. De we “create” it? Yes. There you have it – the real secret to happiness. You can now safely join The Beatles. Or go to jail. Either way, you’ll end up just as happy.

Read also: A happiness poem.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: fake, genuine, happiness, psycholoigy, real, trauma

Some things are just not about you

October 21, 2013 by David Leonhardt 6 Comments

There are some things that are beyond your control. You might not get the job or win your true love or make the sale…and it might just have nothing at all to do with you. No use gnawing on the bone – get back out there and try again.

My daughters love to perform. They both dance. They both sing. They both ham it up. And they have been through several auditions for TV, movies and educational videos. So far, none of the auditions have made them into superstars. In fact, there has not been a single call-back.

In some cases, I can guess what might have been the reason. There are often numerous factors that are stated in the call for auditions, and often one of my daughters meets most of those, but not all. In some cases, the requirements seem contradictory (like when they asked for a girl of about nine years old for a role that was stated as sixth grade (typically, eleven years old).

In other cases, I have no idea why my daughters were not chosen, and I will never know. The casting directory might have had in mind someone with darker hair. Or lighter. Someone shorter or taller, thinner or plumper, more confident or shyer…who knows? Maybe it’s the audition process itself.

Who gets cast in Barney?

Have you ever noticed the one thing that almost all the children on Barney and Friends have in common? Sure, they are all cute. But what specific cute trait do they all have in common?

They all have big, toothy grins. If you know the show, you know there is no point auditioning if your smile isn’t 90 percent teeth. But if you didn’t know the show, you would have no idea that you never qualified in the first place.

Tweet this quote: “When you get passed over, it might have nothing to do with you.”

So it is for a new show or a movie – we have no idea what unspoken factor the casting director has in mind. When you don’t make the audition, it does not mean you are a poor actor. It might have absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you don’t get the job, it might just have been chemistry. Or it might be that someone who is the perfect fit also interviewed. Or the interviewer might have been distracted at the time of the interview.

You just have to brush it off. Somebody else got the job, or they decided not to fill the position. That is not a judgment of your skills or talent, nor a dismissal of your worth. It is simply a sign that says you should look elsewhere.

Take this self-esteem test.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: career, self-esteem, skills, talent

Three Tips for Moving Past Bachelor Status

October 4, 2013 by David Leonhardt Leave a Comment

Ready for a committed relationship? The time to prepare is before you find the woman you want for a wife. Here are some quick tips to start you preparing to make that leap from bachelorhood.

Of course there are some perks for remaining a bachelor all your life, but there are also several perks that come with commitment or marriage. One of the top reasons why many men choose not to get married or never progress toward marriage, even though they may want to, is because they are afraid of commitment.

Although it may be nice to be able to do what you want to do whenever you want without any kind of strings attached, going through life as a single male without any kind of serious commitment to someone else can be a very lonely road, and once you find the woman you’re looking for, it may be difficult to drop some of your old habits. If you are hoping to move past singlehood or if you and now your future by following the simple tips listed below:

Tip #1: Treat Women with Respect

If you have found a woman with which you can experience a truly committed relationship, you need to start by treating her with respect. Not only should you treat potential partners with respect by complementing them, opening doors for them, genuinely caring about them, and doing other things to show them that you value them as an individual, consider buying that special someone a promise ring to show you truly cherish the relationship. Take a look via http://www.shaneco.com/promiserings/default.htmx to get more ideas.

Tip #2: Clean Up Your Act to get more ideas.

Some men believe that they can continue doing what they have been doing for the last 10 years as a bachelor and that they will suddenly find a woman who will come running into their arms. Although this may be the case in some situations, it is important to examine yourself and see what you can do to become a better future husband and father.

Are you furthering your education or progressing toward a successful career?
Do you keep your living space clean and organized?
Do you strive to stay healthy by exercising, eating nutritious foods, not smoking, and avoiding excessive alcohol consumption?

By cleaning up your act, you are more likely to find someone who wants to be your lifelong partner.

Tip #3: Be Willing to Expose Your Vulnerable Side

Another large barrier that many bachelors struggle to overcome is the inability to expose their vulnerable side to others. Many men prefer to be perceived by others as macho and without weakness. One of the surest ways to make an emotional connection with others is by allowing them to see that you are capable of truly loving them, even if it means getting hurt sometimes.

Once you feel comfortable with someone that you see marriage potential with, be sure to break down any walls that you have built around yourself so that they can see your soft side. You will find that lasting relationships are built when you and your partner are able to give freely of yourselves without holding anything back.

After you have entered a committed relationship with your partner, you can work to move your relationship to the next level by showing your dedication with a marriage proposal. A bridal ring symbolizes your commitment to your partner. Whether the ring comes with dozens of diamonds or it is a simple band, it will show your partner that you are committed to leaving your past life of singlehood and forming a new life together.

Filed Under: Happiness, Uncategorized Tagged With: bachelors, love, marriage, relationships

Happiness book in large print

August 7, 2013 by David Leonhardt Leave a Comment

Good news for those who require large print to read comfortably. My happiness book is now available in large print through DoctorZed Publishing. You can get your copy of 9 Habits of Happiness (Large Print) here.

The regular edition of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: The 9 habits of maximum happiness can still be purchased on Amazon. Here is the description posted there…

Its a manual: Yes, this is a manual for making your life happier. It offers step-by-step instructions for building a happier life through nine important habits.Its a science class: Here you’ll find all the science of happiness you can use and more.Its a story book: Chock full of entertaining stories, you’ll actually enjoy reading this book. In fact, you may get so lost in the stories that you don’t realize how much you learn.Its a fortune cookie: Its a very BIG fortune cookie, sprinkled with tidbits of wisdom handed down through the ages and some invented just for the occasion. It’s Super Book: Where else can you find such a blend of self-improvement, psychological science, and entertainment, all wrapped up in a giant fortune cookie?

Or you can pick up an autographed copy through me directly (not the large print version, though). Here’s the page.

Montreal Review of Books loves this book:

"His nine habits are achievable. All this is delivered with pop quizzes, stories and quotable quotes. A great spring pick-me-up."

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: book, happiness, large print

The Happiness Poem

May 23, 2013 by David Leonhardt 2 Comments

If a happiness poem could bring forth a smile, Then my face would always dress in style.

Everybody loves happiness. And everybody loves poems. OK, but some people love poems. Today, we combine the two in a short happiness poem to help inspire those readers who do love poems.

The Happiness Poem

If a happiness poem could bring forth a smile,
Then my face would always dress in style.

If my ears could hear my computer screen,
From one to another, they, too, would grin.

My keyboard types for my eyes not my tongue
This happiness poem will never be sung.

But what of my eyes? Don’t they shine?
Yes, but not from this poem of mine.

The pen is mightier than the sword,
But a pen can write only words.

The feelings I sense and the senses I feel
For keyboard and screen remain far too real.

My ears and my nose remain at rest.
My cheeks and hairline are doing their best.

But if this happiness poem could make my mouth smile,
My face would forever dress up in style.

Your face can dress up in style, too. All it needs is a smile. Put away the blush and the lipstick and the mascara and the liner. The only makeup that will dress your face in style is a smile. For without a smile, all the other forms of makeup are just…paint.

Here is another happiness poem of sorts.

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: makeup, poem, smile

Yes, Virginia, There Is a Secret to Happiness

May 14, 2013 by David Leonhardt Leave a Comment

This article is an excerpt by David Leonhardt from 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life.

Do I believe there is a secret to happiness? I’ll bet you expect me to say “NO, there is just no simple secret.” While it is true that there are many factors that affect our happiness, I believe there is one secret that determines whether those factors will work for you, and that is the secret to happiness.

But first, allow me to share a some history. In 2001, I published the first edition of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness. I did all the things authors do, right up to getting myself some media interviews. Being an old hand at media relations (actually, Canada’s send-most-quoted consumer advocate at the time), you would think I would have been superbly prepared for the question that almost every journalist would ask me:

“So, which of the 9 habits is most important?”

What?! Which one is most important? Why, they are all important, of course. That’s why I wrote about them all. I was obviously too close to the forest to see the trees. Or, in this case, the tree.

After being asked this question a few times, I was forced to think, and think hard. And out of nowhere, I had an “Aha!” moment that stands the test of time five years later.

One of the 9 habits I wrote about is more important than the others. One of my 9 habits activates all the others. One of my habits is the secret to happiness. It starts on page 83 of the second edition.

“Count Your Blessings”

It sounds so simple, and so, well, almost corny. But let me give you a concrete example of how this works.

“Count Your Blessings” for Happiness

Have you ever bought a new car? Remember the pride you felt and the excitement when you made the choice? When you signed the papers? When you drove it off the lot? Do you remember that “new car smell”?

Then something happened. Where is that pride today? Where is that excitement now? What happened to that “new car smell”?

Simple. You stopped counting your blessings. When you bought the car, it was a step up. Perhaps it was a better car. Or a bigger car. Or simply a car that would spend less days on the hoist. You were grateful. You were appreciative. You were counting this blessing.

It does not take long for a new blessing to be taken for granted. And the new car becomes just another thing in your life that you take for granted. Consider this incredible set of statistics:

99% of people in the developed world take shelter for granted.
99% of people in the developed world take breakfast for granted.
99% of people in the developed world take lunch for granted.
99% of people in the developed world take dinner for granted.
99% of people in the developed world take clothing for granted.

At the risk of sounding trite or glib, most people in the developed world take cars, televisions, computers, vacations, toasters, freedom of speech, paper clips and thousands of other conveniences for granted. In fact, a TV remote control that requires a battery change or a web page that takes more than five seconds to load are considered serious irritations.

Who is happier, the person grateful to be able to change those batteries and wait for that web page? Or the person grumbling about the time it takes and the inconvenience and the bother and why can’t things work better? (Why don’t they make things like they used to? Why does the lineup have to be so long? Why is it so cold outside? Why do I have to go to work today?)

Of course you have every right to complain any time you choose. Nobody wants to take away your right to be unhappy. But I would love to take away your unhappiness, if you are willing to take action.

Math is not everybody’s strong suit

This is where “counting your blessings”, simple and even corny, is not as easy as it sounds. Our knee-jerk reaction is to complain, to grumble, to be frustrated, to feel almost offended when things don’t work out “perfectly”, just the way we want them to. Imagine poor God, sifting through the millions of prayers he receives daily. Despite the cornucopia of blessings we receive, I am willing to bet that he receives ten times more “Gimmee” prayers than “Thank you” prayers.

Counting our blessings in this day and age of entitlement is not as simple as it sounds, and it sure is not easy to do. In fact, billions of dollars of advertising conspire to reinforce the belief that whatever we have is not good enough and that we deserve better. Who is there to tell us we have enough? Who can help us feel happy with what we have?

You. Only you. Are you ready to give up your own natural knee-jerk reaction and choose to be happy?

You can have all the confidence in the world, but if you do not actively feel grateful for the fruits of your confidence, it will not bring you happiness. You can have immaculate health, but if you do not think about how wonderful that is, it will not bring you happiness. You can smile, build friendships, achieve success, win the lottery, or do whatever you desire, but if you are not saying every day, “Wow! This is wonderful. This is grand. I am the luckiest man (or woman) alive because of this,” don’t expect it to bring you happiness.

Yes, there is a secret to happiness. The secret is gratitude. The secret is appreciation. Or, as I call it in Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness, the secret is to count your blessings.

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: blessings, gratitude