Three Lessons from The Science of Self-Control

Whether it’s about getting our emotional lives under control, learning how to focus on our goals, or sticking to a diet, self-control is key.

But where does self-control come from? Would you be surprised to learn that gargling sugar water, thinking about a friend, or watching a video could help you improve your self-control? As it happens, that’s exactly what cutting edge science is telling us. Here’s why.

1. Self-Control May Not Be a Limited Resource

In recent years, some scientists have suggested that self-control is a limited resource. Why would anybody suggest this? Well, many experiments have shown that if you perform one self-control task, you will do worse on a second self-control task.

Some studies even started to suggest that this had to do with the amount of sugar in your blood: literal energy. After all, participants who drank sweetened lemonade did better on the second task than participants who drank lemonade that was sweetened artificially.

But then scientists had another thought. They tried asking participants to gargle sugar water instead. Remarkably, this also improved self-control. This experiment has been successfully repeated more than once. What is going on here?

It turns out that the presence of sugar on their taste buds was activating the motivational and goal-seeking parts of the brain. It didn’t have anything to do with the energy from sugar.

Researchers Michael Inzlicht of the University of Toronto and Brandon Schmeichel of Texas A&M University interpret studies like these as a sign that self-control is not a limited resource. Instead, it is driven by motivation and attention. They argue that your ability to control yourself really has more to do your beliefs about willpower, how difficult you think tasks are, the incentives involved, and the feedback that people give you.

Put another way, self-control depends on how committed we are to our goals and what we’re paying attention to, not necessarily how much energy we have.

Related post: Define Success

2. Make Self-Control Fun

If self-control isn’t really a depletable resource, why do we act like it is? A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research suggests that it’s because we have convinced ourselves that it isn’t fun.

In one of the experiments, the participants were asked to hold pieces of candy, like M&Ms and Skittles, put them in their mouths, and take them out without eating them. Afterward, they were asked to fill out a few surveys, and weren’t told whether or not they could eat the candy.

After measuring how much self-control each participant usually had, and how much candy they ended up eating, the learned something interesting: the people who were better at self-control thought the candy exercise was fun. The ones with less than stellar self-control? They thought it was work.

Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean the flip side is true. Which is why the experimenters also put together another test.

In a second experiment, they asked participants to perform a similar task. But this time around, half of them were given initial instructions that used the word “fun.” This subtle difference actually had an impact on their self-control during the experiment.

It was as though the people with less self-control had never considered the possibility that it could be fun, and the mere suggestion was enough to change their behavior.

3. Self-Control (and a Lack Thereof) is Contagious

We have a natural tendency to congratulate ourselves when we get things right, and pass on the blame when we don’t. But a study by the University of Georgia suggests that, when it comes to self-control, we should be taking a look at the people around us either way.

The study involved hundreds of volunteers and tested the impact of watching or even just thinking about people with good or bad self-control. Just how strong was the impact? Seeing the name of somebody with good or bad self-control flash across a screen for, get this, ten milliseconds, was enough to have an influence on people’s behavior.

The impact was also surprisingly broad. Thinking about somebody who has good self-control with their exercise routine can help you with self-control over your career. The individual behavior didn’t seem to matter. All that mattered was the amount of self-control.

The five experiments in the study had the following conclusions:

  • People performed better on a hand-grip test when they thought about a friend with good self-control.
  • Watching somebody choose a carrot over a piece of cake on a video was enough to improve somebody’s performance on a self-control test.
  • When a friend’s name flashed across a computer screen for ten milliseconds, they did worse on a computerized self-control test.
  • Writing about a friend with self-control improved results.
  • Writing about friends with good self-control caused people to more quickly identify related words like “achieve,” “effort,” and “discipline.”

What’s remarkable about these studies is how instantaneous the results were either way. They weren’t asked to completely restructure their social lives, just think about a friend…or see their name flash across a screen in the blink of an eye.

But beware, if you do this incorrectly, a different study suggests you can end up doing more harm than good. In an experiment at the University of California, participants who imagined themselves in the shoes of the person with self-control actually ended up with less of it. It was as though imagining themselves exercising self-control actually drained them.

What have we learned here? It turns out self-control is something that you can shift right now, in the present. Merely framing it as a fun activity, thinking about a friend with self-control, and staying committed to our goals is all it takes. On the flip side, it also means that it’s a constant effort, a choice to take actions in the here and now, not something that you get to “earn” and “keep.”

Guest blogger Carter Bowles is a science and psychology blogger who is pursuing a degree in Statistics at Idaho State University. If you liked this, you may also be interested in his collection of infographics about the science of creativity.

Zig Ziglar (1926-2012) Motivational Quotes

Zig Ziglar passed away yesterday.  He was perhaps the most effective motivational speaker of all time.  I recall a decade ago seeing him live.  He described his early days as a salesman: “I was not an overwhelming success. I was not even a whelming success. But I did sell a few things. I sold my car, I sold my TV.”

Of course, he eventually became a whelming success, and even became an overwhelming success. But only because he kept at it, inspired either by a dream or by a tight stomach. But he did not give up.

Along the way, he left us with some sound bites to ponder, probably the most famous of which is: “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”

Zig Ziglar: "There are no traffic jams on the extra mile."

More Zig Ziglar Motivational Quotes

Here are a few more motivational quotes and snappy tidbits from Zig Ziglar. Which is your favourite? (I can’t decide between the tartar sauce and the traffic jam.)

“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”

“Rich people have small TVs and big libraries, and poor people have small libraries and big TVs.”

“A narrow mind and a fat head invariably come on the same person.”

“If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”

“People don’t buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.”

“Other people and things can stop you temporarily. You’re the only one who can do it permanently.”

“Optimists are those who go after Moby Dick in a row boat with a bucket of tarter sauce.”

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

Success is dependent upon the glands – sweat glands.”

“When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there.”

“Of all the attitudes we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing.”

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.”

“If you go out looking for friends, you’re going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.”

“Every choice you make has an end result.”

“Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love.”

“When we do more than we are paid to do, eventually we will be paid more for what we do.”

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale.”

“Money won’t make you happy… but everybody wants to find out for themselves.”

“Statistics suggest that when customers complain, business owners and managers ought to get excited about it. The complaining customer represents a huge opportunity for more business.”

“If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.”

“Duty makes us do things well, but love makes us do them beautifully.”

Motivation gets you going and habit gets you there.”

“People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace.”

“There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.”

“Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.”

“Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.”

“Motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they’re on the same side.”

“Money will buy you a bed, but not a good night’s sleep, a house but not a home, a companion but not a friend.”

Thus ends the string of memorable quotes, although this is but a small sampling. Zig Ziglar has left his legacy in sayings that will be repeated for ages to come.

Happy Thanksgiving

Yes, today is Thanksgiving for readers in the USA, and just as good a time as any for the rest of us to focus on giving thanks.

In fact, while Thanksgiving will be overshadowed for many Americans by tomorrow’s “Black Friday” shopping crush, the rest of us will be free to retain some of the peace and calm that Thanksgiving should bestow.

You can thank God if you believe or your lucky stars if you don’t. The important thing today is to thank.

If you spend as much time on the Internet as I do, you could be forgiven for thinking that we should be most grateful for iPhones and bacon.  Feel free to be thankful for these.  But surely there are more important things, better things, to be grateful for.

After some reflection, these boil down to three for me.  You will probably have a similar list, although not necessarily identical.

HEALTH: My eyesight is not what it used to be and my knees do hurt at times, but all in all I am quite healthy.  Since we come in this package called a body, there is little we do that is not greatly impacted by our health and fitness.  Some of that is within your control, some is not.  Give thanks for that part that you have been given, and do what you can to enhance it with sleep, exercise and proper food.

FAMILY: I know how lucky I am to have a loving family.  I know not everybody is so blessed.  Again, my blessings are a result of the chances I have been given, but also the result of actions I am constantly taking to enhance these gifts.  You need to work at love. You have to put others first. You have to build trust. To hold onto love you have been given, you have to love others. Like health, family is a gift that can be lost if neglected.  Which brings me to the third item, which I have a hard time articulating…

STRENGTH: I chose “strength”, although it might not be the most accurate word.  What I mean is the good and giving in me – strength to do what is right, patience with people around me (which is not always easy in the high stress of an active family), strength to love even when frustrated and feeling more like saying “Oh, yeah?!?”  If there is one thing I pray for the most, by far, it is this strength, this focus.  I wish I could say I always have it, but I don’t.  But I know how many times I find that strength that could just as well be absent, and I am deeply grateful for that gift.

I could also have added “freedom” to this list, thinking of so many people who live in repressive regimes or under the control of a repressive person.  Or “peace”, thinking of people living with the daily threat of bombs in the Israeli region.  My prayers go out to all those people, too.

But today, I have chosen more personal traits that I enjoy and appreciate in peace, but would need so much more if I was in a place of conflict or repression.

There are millions of little things to be grateful for, of course, and we should never pass a moment without being grateful for something.  Never flush the toilet without feeling gratitude that you have a flush toilet.  Never drink water without feeling gratitude that you have fresh, disease-free water to drink.  Never staple papers together without feeling the gratitude that you have this little convenience.

And what I said earlier about bacon and iPhones…go ahead an be thankful every time you use them. Gratitude is a pillar of happiness.

But today is a great time to look at the big picture.  To give thanks for the gifts you have that make you the wonderful person you are.

Apparently, FaceBook does not bring happiness after all – study

Thank you Carsten Grimm of the University of Canterbury (New Zealand) for your latest study on happiness.  Apparently, people like sex and booze (no surprise – we all have a little red demon on one shoulder) and volunteering and religion (no surprise – we all have a little white angel on the other shoulder).

 

Temptation - angel and devil
And apparently, they really hate being sick, doing housework and studying.  No surprise there either.  However…

Surprise!

…they also hate FaceBook and texting.  Yes, this is a surprise, because these are two activities that have become very popular, even ubiquitous.  In fact, this study counters a previous study by the University of Chicago Booth School of Business found that people were as addicted to checking FaceBook as they were to smoking or sex.

To measure happiness, researchers measured three aspects of each activity: pleasure, meaning and engagement, and found that sex ranked tops in all three aspects.

Alcohol and partying came second for pleasure but only 10th in for meaning.

Recovering from sickness was ranked lowest for pleasure (no surprise), but FaceBook beat it out for meaning.  Yes, FaceBook has less meaning for us than feeling sick.

Other studies are less encouraging

Nevertheless, there are still some worrying studies out there for those of us who feel that something as intimate as sex and relationships should have our full attention.

Like that survey from Gazelle.com that found four percent of people use their phones while having sex.  Which also found that over one in four iPhone owners “almost always” use their phone while in a social setting “such as during a meal or while at a party”.

Like the Storage Options study that found that half of all Brits check messages while pretending to listen to their partners.

Like the Vodaphone study that found that one in three Brits would answer their mobile phones during sex.

Like the Meredith Parents Network study that found that 12 percent of American moms use their phones during sex.  Since “81% of moms said shopping was the #1 way they use their Smartphone”, we can guess what is really on a woman’s mind in the heat of the moment.

Related post: Study says we should turn off the TV for happiness.

Related post: Americans happiest working, Europeans happiest playing

However, we now have at least one study that puts meaningful and intimate activities above the wireless umbilical cord.  That should be of some comfort, however small.  Here is a summary of the results.

 

What makes people happy
 

Do you inspire trust?

A positive relationship requires mutual trust. Without trust, spouses, diplomats, friends and co-workers, neighbours and others cannot build an enjoyable relationship.

Sadly, many people think that they have a great relationship as long as “they can get away with it”, rather than ensuring they are trustworthy. That is called lowest-denominator thinking. I suppose it is survivalist; if surviving is your reason for living, that’s just grand.

Children trust their parents just to survive.

But what if you want more out of life than just surviving?

Many divorces – not all, of course – boil down to one partner or both devaluing trust. War is usually the result of one or more countries or leaders failing to ensure they are trustworthy. And often on-the-job problems are the result of missing trust.

I will leave you to define for yourself whether these situations pass or fail even the survival test.

But if you want more out of life than just surviving, or in my opinion, failing to do so, think about the people you have a relationship with:

  • boss, employee, co-worker, business partner
  • spouse, child, parent, sibling
  • friend
  • your child’s teacher, a neighbor

Have you earned the trust of these people? When you give your word to them, do you ALWAYS mean it? And do they know that you do? If not, now is a great time to start building the trust so vital to positive relationships.

Make sure you DO mean it. Every time. And make sure they know.

Makeovers – You Can Make Over Anything

Whether it’s about your look or your life, your relationships or your career, if you are thinking of a major overhaul, this should inspire you. Behold this extreme – and extremely beautiful – home makeover.

If you think that there is anything so beyond hope that it can’t be refurbished, Barbie and Ken beg to differ.

The pictures below give you some idea of the North Dakota house that Heather Benning remade into a life-size doll house in the Barbie style. Yes, quite amazing. And if this makeover can be done with an old tear-me-down house, imagine what you could do with yourself, your career, your relationships – whatever you want to make over.

Here are a couple before and after pics, but for the full story, go here.

BEFORE:

READ ALSO: 8 sneaky ways to get free furniture

AFTER:

Home Decorating Made Easy

Home Decor BooksOK, so maybe you are not up to making such a drastic overhaul of your living space. But get a copy of the Home Decorating Made Easy manual and you can do some pretty amazing things to upgrade your own home right now..

Five Tips to Survive and Thrive Through a Divorce

Divorce is an unfortunate reality for a lot of people at some point in their lives. While it is generally not considered a good thing, you can not only survive but thrive as you make your way through the divorce process. Here are five tips that will help if you find yourself in this situation.

TIP 1 – Keep Your Perspective – Although the divorce might seem like it is consuming your life while it is ongoing remember that at some point it will just be a part of your past life. So even though it seems enormous right now remind yourself that this feeling is temporary.

Read also: “Resentment is poison“.

TIP 2 – Hire a Good Lawyer and Follow Their Advice – Many people fear hiring a lawyer, thinking that doing so will turn their divorce into a giant battle. If you go to the right lawyer the opposite will happen and they will help you reach a fair and fast conclusion.

TIP 3 – Don’t Start Dating too Quickly – Often people feel (especially if they think their spouse is “leaving them”) that they need to immediately jump back into the dating world to prove that they are still desirable. This can be overwhelming and too much too soon. There is plenty of time to date and it will be a lot more fun after you have had a chance to transition to being single again first. This leads me to Tip #4…

TIP 4 – Let Yourself Grieve, But Don’t Dwell – Give yourself permission to feel bad about it for a little while. It is natural and healthy to grieve when a lifelong commitment doesn’t work out the way you hoped it would. But remember that you only get once chance at this life so you should treasure each day as the gift that it is. If you keep this in mind you will eventually be able to move on, appreciating your marriage for whatever positive you got out of it and then happily move forward into the next phase of your life.

TIP 5 – Take Care of Yourself By Having Some Fun – It might be trite but laughter really is the best medicine, even for a heartache. Find a way to get some laughter and joy into your life. If you have kids, go out of your way to do fun things with them during your with them. If you have hobbies that you enjoy, do them. And if you grew up in the 70’s or 80’s and just need a laugh check out this happy little clouds video.

Follow these tips and you will be able to move onward and upward with your life even through the divorce process.

About the Author

This is a guest post by Scott Morgan is an Austin divorce lawyer with 18 years of experience helping people navigate the divorce process. You can read more about him at the Morgan Law Firm website.

Finding Your Way: Lessons from my childhood

When I was younger I used to think finding my way was something I was looking for. I would pay close attention to everything insight, because I didn’t want to miss a clue. As an adult I look back in amusement and remember how wise those thoughts truly were, beyond their surface.

Like most children, I believed nursery rhymes were important keys to living life. One of the things I felt to be important was to never step on a crack in the cement sidewalk. I fell for the saying, “if you step on a crack it may break your back.” I justified this by thinking it would help me stay healthy, so I could continue to find my way in life.

Often I would walk behind another person closely, so I could feel how it was to be in someone else’s shoes. I always heard it was important to know that, so I could understand the next person and we all know how important that is in finding our way.

But truly we all know the most important lessen to learn as we grow, is to believe in ourselves so we can learn to believe in others.



Deryo is a singer-songwriter and composer. His blog focuses on positive lessons from everyday life and the joys of music. You can read more at: http://www.deryo.com/blog or http://www.facebook.com/deryo.sho

Variety is more than the spice of life

It is interesting how often I have come across a list of “Top 10 most nutritional foods“. I have seen at least a dozen such lists. Certain foods show up repeatedly on such lists, such as blueberries, broccoli and garlic. Other foods might make just a single appearance, such as lemons (that was on such a list I saw last week, and I am pretty sure it was the first time I saw it on a top-10 nutrition list).

But picking just ten foods, while it has some appeal in making things simple and in helping us prioritize what we buy at the grocery store, would be a poor nutritional strategy. That’s because we need variety.

Surely you have heard how important it is not to invest all your money in one place – to “diversify”. That is why you might invest in stocks, in bonds, in Forex, in currency, in mutual funds of various types, in a house, etc.

Diversification is not just for money. And variety is not just the spice of life; it is much more.

It is a wise idea to make salads with many different ingredients, and to vary them from day to day. In other words, each time you go to the store, try to buy a few vegetables that you don’t usually buy. Different kinds of onions. New varieties of cabbage. Apple varieties you don’t buy every day.

Same with exercise. It is very tempting to go through the same movements every day, but a complete workout entails working every muscle in different ways.

What about the news you read or view? Getting it all from CNN? Reading only The Globe and Mail? Shake it up; get more than one world view if you really want to understand what’s going on. Every media outlet has its own editorial slant or bias. It can be comforting to get your news from media that share your own biases, it reinforces your views. But that won’t broaden your mind, it will only narrow it.

Think variety.

  • Education
  • Fashion
  • Activities
  • Social circle

If you live a varied life, you will keep growing in so many ways. You want your health, your mind, your wallet, your experience – everything – to keep growing. So get out of the rut and into something new.