Happy Thanksgiving

Yes, today is Thanksgiving for readers in the USA, and just as good a time as any for the rest of us to focus on giving thanks.

In fact, while Thanksgiving will be overshadowed for many Americans by tomorrow’s “Black Friday” shopping crush, the rest of us will be free to retain some of the peace and calm that Thanksgiving should bestow.

You can thank God if you believe or your lucky stars if you don’t. The important thing today is to thank.

If you spend as much time on the Internet as I do, you could be forgiven for thinking that we should be most grateful for iPhones and bacon.  Feel free to be thankful for these.  But surely there are more important things, better things, to be grateful for.

After some reflection, these boil down to three for me.  You will probably have a similar list, although not necessarily identical.

HEALTH: My eyesight is not what it used to be and my knees do hurt at times, but all in all I am quite healthy.  Since we come in this package called a body, there is little we do that is not greatly impacted by our health and fitness.  Some of that is within your control, some is not.  Give thanks for that part that you have been given, and do what you can to enhance it with sleep, exercise and proper food.

FAMILY: I know how lucky I am to have a loving family.  I know not everybody is so blessed.  Again, my blessings are a result of the chances I have been given, but also the result of actions I am constantly taking to enhance these gifts.  You need to work at love. You have to put others first. You have to build trust. To hold onto love you have been given, you have to love others. Like health, family is a gift that can be lost if neglected.  Which brings me to the third item, which I have a hard time articulating…

STRENGTH: I chose “strength”, although it might not be the most accurate word.  What I mean is the good and giving in me – strength to do what is right, patience with people around me (which is not always easy in the high stress of an active family), strength to love even when frustrated and feeling more like saying “Oh, yeah?!?”  If there is one thing I pray for the most, by far, it is this strength, this focus.  I wish I could say I always have it, but I don’t.  But I know how many times I find that strength that could just as well be absent, and I am deeply grateful for that gift.

I could also have added “freedom” to this list, thinking of so many people who live in repressive regimes or under the control of a repressive person.  Or “peace”, thinking of people living with the daily threat of bombs in the Israeli region.  My prayers go out to all those people, too.

But today, I have chosen more personal traits that I enjoy and appreciate in peace, but would need so much more if I was in a place of conflict or repression.

There are millions of little things to be grateful for, of course, and we should never pass a moment without being grateful for something.  Never flush the toilet without feeling gratitude that you have a flush toilet.  Never drink water without feeling gratitude that you have fresh, disease-free water to drink.  Never staple papers together without feeling the gratitude that you have this little convenience.

And what I said earlier about bacon and iPhones…go ahead an be thankful every time you use them. Gratitude is a pillar of happiness.

But today is a great time to look at the big picture.  To give thanks for the gifts you have that make you the wonderful person you are.

Thoughts on love

People sometimes wonder how step families work and how they merge together successfully. It can be difficult as there are a lot of emotions involved. But my children have taught me that what makes the most difficult situations work is quite simply love.

Love makes the world go around as they say and in our case love is what makes it possible for our situation to work so well.

My husband has 3 children from his first marriage and we have had two little girls who now are 3 and 5. But despite what you hear of the horror stories about step families and evil step mothers we actually all somehow manage to get along famously.

We don’t all live together all the time though so I guess that makes it a bit different but the 3 children who are 14, 11 and 9 come and stay with us in the school holidays and gosh do my girls absolutely adore them. They roll into town like a carnival, full of stories and endless games. The girls literally count down until they come to visit and get so excited to see them.

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I really love my husband’s children from his first marriage. They are bright, funny and well-mannered and have embraced the girls like a rugby team embracing the quarterback who just won the game. It is so lovely to watch them all together. The care and concern the 3 older children display for the little ones is extraordinary. They all formed a bond very quickly.

I don’t think we could have anticipated how well it would all merge together but thanks to the children really it works. The holidays are filled with boisterous fun as they older children entertain the girls for hours and hours and the girls are lit up like Christmas trees the whole time.

I guess I wanted to share how special I think the bond is between them and that love binds it together. I sometimes think you can read all the books written about how to make these situations work but in this instance the children have shown me that what makes it work is love actually and lots of it. The love they show their little sisters and how much the girls love them is the glue that holds this together and makes it what it is.

Here are 3 lessons that I’ve learnt about being part of a step family:

  1. Accept– Accept that there are lots of dynamics and it won’t always be easy. Every step family is different but it’s unique and it’s yours to love and cherish as it is.
  2. Nurture– Give it lots of nurturing but don’t try to push it too much to “work” or “be perfect”. Everyone is coming in from different places and taking it in so it takes time for everyone to fit together, build and grow into a new situation.
  3. Love– In a complicated situation often the simplest solutions are the best. Showing love, patience and understanding wherever possible is going to be priceless.


Josie loves her big family and knows the truth in the saying ‘love makes the world go around’.