Wow, is it ever wonderful to have a class dedicated to making your life happier! Welcome to Lesson #3: Count Your Blessings. This is the third habit in Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness pictured to the right.

As I grow, I have come to believe that to "count your blessings" is the most important lesson of all. If we do poorly at this, all our other efforts to be happy, to earn money, to build relationships, to find meaning -- all are wasted. If we count our blessings well, with gratitude and appreciation, even modest improvements in other skills and efforts can earn us a treasure chest of rewards. Get ready to bask in the glow of your own abundance.

CONTENTS

1. Instructions
2. Overview of Habit #3: Half full or half empty?
3. Questions to ask yourself about gratitude
4. Practical tips to count your blessings
5. A few thoughts on gratitude and appreciation
6. Mystery File: The Case of Rob's Elusive Income
7. Mystery File: The Case of Calvin's Clever Savings
8. Mystery File: The Case of Melissa's Snooty Boss
9. A review of Lesson #2
10. Resources to help you count your blessings (several books, programs)
11. Administrivia

INSTRUCTIONS

The following two sections are designed to get you thinking about Habit #3. As you focus in on what it means to count your blessings, you are preparing to ask yourself some important questions about how you treat your own blessings in section three. We'll then share a few tips and ideas to help you implement this habit, followed by some quotes on gratitude and appreciation. Sections six through eight present more challenging mystery files for you to solve.

**There are no wrong answers here; this is about finding what works best for you.

Next lesson, I will offer you a few personal thoughts on today's challenges, which I hope will help you find your own way to count your blessings. Speaking of which, we wrap up by revisiting last lesson's case studies and a few thoughts about them ... and we have LOTS of great books to recommend for this lesson.

P.S. You know all that stuff about a FINAL EXAM? I was just kidding. Now there's a blessing to count!

Profit from the lesson.

Is this a crowded, fast paced, get 'em while they're hot kind of world, or what? It really is amazing how we can spend so much of our time rushing after the next great opportunity or trying to make just a little more money or renovate just one more room. And before we know it ten, twenty, thirty years have passed. We've had our opportunities, we've made our money, our rooms are newly renovated (and possibly due for another "new" renovation).

But did we get value for our time? Did we get value for our money? Did we get value for our effort?

The value lies in the appreciation. One of the most controversial questions I ask in my live keynote presentations is "Can money buy happiness?" Audience members almost always have sharply divided views on this. In the end, money, time, effort all buy us happiness only to the extent that we really appreciate what they bring. For instance, buy a big, shiny, new SUV and feel great. Drive it as if it was just another car we've owned - as most of do a few months later -- and it ceases to bring happiness (even though we continue to slave to make the money to pay the car loan!)

Appreciation is like listening. We can listen without really hearing and we can appreciate without really getting value. You may have heard of the difference between passive and active listening (most people are not too good at active listening). It is just as important to actively appreciate. It is the "active" that brings us value. That's what we mean by "count your blessings". We'll consider some ideas for active appreciation in section four below.

There is so much we can do to appreciate ... to ensure that we get value for what we put into life. Do you see the glass as half full or half empty, ... or do you revel in a glass that always seems to be full or even overflowing? This lesson will help you get value out of life.

Do I appreciate everything I do or buy? Big things? Little things?

Do I still appreciate them six months later?

What steps do I make to ensure that I "actively" appreciate the things in my life? Do I really count my blessings?

How much pleasure do I get from things? From relationships? From experiences? Is there an area I could appreciate more?

Reserve five minutes each day to walk around your house and pick two or three things you take for granted -- the carpet, soap, a spice rack, a pencil -- and really appreciate it. Close your eyes. Think about how you use the object, how you benefit, how life would be different without it.

There are two possible benefits to this tip. First, by focusing on how this object makes your life better, you appreciate it more – you count your blessings. The pencil may add utility to your life, regardless. But only in recognizing that utility can it bring you satisfaction and value.

Second, you may recognize that the object brings you no benefit ... that it is just taking space and collecting dust and that you really should be giving it the ol' heave ho! (Getting rid of "clutter" has the added benefit that it lets you focus your appreciation on the items that really can bring you happiness).

Another great idea is to start a gratitude journal. If you don't know where to start, click here.

NOTE: There are oodles of practical tips for counting your blessings in The Get Happy Workbook pictured above.

"I murmured that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." -- Persian Proverb

"I have been blessed, with so much more than I deserve, to be here with the ones who love me, to love them so much it hurts." -- Martina McBride

"Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings each morning, thank-you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf." -- prayer

"The human race has had long experience and a fine tradition in surviving adversity. But we now face a task for which we have little experience, the task of surviving prosperity." -- Alan Gregg

"The world can be a horrible, cruel place -- at the same time it can be an abundant, wonderful place. These are both truths." --Lee Ross

"Now I know we had no money, but I was rich as I could be, in that coat of many colors, my Momma made for me." -- Dolly Parton

You can read plenty of witty quotes from Climb Your Stairway To Heaven if you click here.

Rob works hard to feed his family. No, wait. Make that: Rob works hard to "feed his family".

In fact, he works less than a day a week to feed his family. He also works to clothe and house them, to pay for toys, to upgrade his windows, to spray his lawn (so that it looks as good as the neighbor's), to pay for a fairly nice car (and to keep it shiny), and to do so many vital things without which he could not survive. No wait, make that: without which he could not bear to compare himself to his neighbor or to his image of what his neighbor might be or have. Too bad he brings home work from the office almost every night.

Does Rob have a problem? Is Rob being realistic? Your task is to what, if anything, Rob should do to ensure he enjoys life. Feel free to share your thoughts with me at.Info@TheHappyGuy.com.

Calvin is Rob's neighbor. He won't make the same mistake Rob makes. He wouldn't be caught dead bringing work home from the office. He figures he doesn't need to spend that time on office work if he can save some money here and there. So he built his own deck and weeds his own lawn. He does all his own home repairs and improvements. He spends a lot of time working. Not "at work", but working nonetheless, and is proud of having one of the nicer homes in the neighborhood.

He would love to have more time with his family, but that's life. He doesn't take much time to appreciate all his labor either, but at least he appreciates that neighbors like Rob try to match his style.   ;-)

What do you think Calvin is doing right? What is he doing wrong? What should Calvin be doing? Please feel free to share your comments with me at Info@TheHappyGuy.com (I might share them with others, too.)

Melissa works hard and does good work. Her department runs smoothly and performs well because of people like her. She is paid well, and has a reasonable vacation package. She also gets along well with her coworkers and her boss.

Melissa's boss is also a hard worker. He doesn't place too many undue demands on Melissa, but he also never seems to recognize her work. Sometimes Melissa wishes she could get even squeeze just an itsy bitsy "Thank you" or a "Congratulations! Job well done." out of her boss. But that's simply not his style. She is paid to do her work, so why does she also need to be thanked?

Your assignment is to review the relationship between Melissa and her boss, and to help them increase their happiness through appreciation. If you have some thoughts to share with me, please send them to Info@TheHappyGuy.com. (When two people with one idea each share, they each end up with two ideas. Now that's abundance!)

Let's review the mysteries we read about in Lesson #2 and solve them now:

The Case of Anna's Dirty Little Secret I think we've all been there. We want to do something a little different, but we know people would frown on us ... or at least look at us funny or talk behind our backs. And that gives us the heebie jeebies. Some "bulldozer people" just go ahead and do what they feel like doing, paying little heed to what others think. Others cower in their corner, afraid of "what people will say." Still others say "Damn the torpedoes" and do what they want to do ... but, like Anna, they hide it away like a dirty little secret. There is no right or wrong level of concern over what other people think. Most people have conflicting emotional needs: to fit in and to be unique. The trick is to never allow what other people think to make you feel small or like you have to hide something. Anna's hobby became her "dirty little secret". She needs to make a conscious decision. I believe this hobby is important enough to her that she needs to say, "This is my hobby. It is important to me. This is who I am. I will not hide it away any longer."

The Case of Adam "The Trouble-causing Lawyer" Adam did the right thing. He stuck up for his beliefs. In the end, his practice should reap the rewards of clients happy to be served by someone who cares and respects them. The fallout is the falling out with other lawyers. Depending on how important those other lawyers are to his social and business well-being, Adam might want to take his principles one step further. He might want to recruit the other lawyers over to his way of doing things. Yes, that might be hard. He will have to drag them kicking and screaming like a caveman lugging home a mastodon. And he might fail. Bottom line: Adam can control his actions, so he did. He cannot control other people's reactions, so he focuses on being who he wants to be. That is a fairly good prescription for happiness.

The Case of Gavin's Stutter Gavin needs to focus on what he thinks of himself. He has to begin by deciding that his worth is based on who he is, not on how he pronounces his words, nor on how other people look at him. Only then will he be prepared to say, "I don't care what other people think. I am going to speak." When he makes that decision, he will find that people treat him in various ways. Some will not wish to associate or be seen with a stutterer (people even more imprisoned by what people think of them than Gavin is, I suspect). Others will avoid speaking to him because they are embarrassed or frustrated over having difficulty understanding him. But some will make the extra effort to listen carefully. Gavin needs to seek those people out and ask their help in curing the stutter. A good Toastmasters club or anti-stutter program would also help, but not without a positive support group. This is not just about stuttering; it is about any weakness you may have that most people do not. Gavin might want to read "Embracing Fear: and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life" by Thom Rutledge or Shyness: A Bold New Approach by Bernardo J. Carducci Ph.D.

There are several excellent books to recommend:

The 5 Year Journal by Doreene Clement is reputed to be the best book for gratitude journals and any other kind of journal. (This one makes an excellent birthday gift!)
Mary Lou Retton's Gateways To Happiness is an enjoyable book that touches on gratitude and appreciation.
The Luck Factor by Dr. Richard Wiseman is a superb analysis of how we can make ourselves luckier and our lives more abundant. (Read my review)
Simple Abundance, a very popular book by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude, also by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
How to Want What You Have by Timothy Miller.

There are also several good articles on gratitude and appreciation in The Self-actualization Resource Center. (See banner above)

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